Daybook

Dream Roses, oil and wax on prepared paper
location unkown

Another of the dream series...people often ask me where the rose images come from...so, here's the story: I was in my early twenties and stopped by a friend's party one evening. While there I received some unwanted attention from a man who just happened to be in a wheelchair. The problem wasn't the wheelchair, it was the fact that I just wasn't interested---I was pining for someone else, and, party guy was a sloppy drunk. But, his disability made me treat him differently...rather than brush him off like I wound any other sloppy drunk, I was too nice. I was patient when he tried to trap me in corners; I was patient when he tried to chase me to my car in his wheelchair (kind of humorous now--but frustrating then). No, he never caught me, but I was relentlessly chased. Finally, I escaped. The next day at work, two dozen roses arrived, along with a clear expectation that we were dating. So, what I was reluctant to do the evening before, I was forced to do---sever any expectation on his part. But I was disturbed by my initial reaction...why hadn't I done this (and been ruthless) the evening before? You can do it, and not be heartless. Anyway, I took the roses to my studio and pinned them to the wall--to remind me to be straightforward, etc. As the roses withered, they seemed to draw toward each other and form their own relationships. I began to draw them and consider them personalities. Eventually, they came to represent people in my drawings, and become comments on my own relationships. Dream Roses is one of the first of these images.